Thank goodness for good friends. As I have said many, many times before and will say many, many times in the future, my friends help me so much and I am endlessly thankful for them. Obviously its been a tough week in a lot of different ways. I'm happy to report I am no longer on the verge of tears at the office--thank goodness. I called Erin last night just to check in to see what was going on with her and to hopefully schedule a date this weekend, and ended up totally breaking down and not even meaning to. Ugh. I felt bad to unleash everything on to her, but honestly felt about 100% better after I got it all out and talked about all my craziness out loud.
Now I'm just counting down until I get to go home tonight! I can't wait to get out of Atlanta and be away from everything here for a few days. Work is a little stressful, but hopefully everything will wrap up nicely before I go out on the road next week. Lots to do!
Hope everyone has a great weekend, and here's to hoping that my weekend is the boost I've been needing all week!
Showing posts with label Depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Depression. Show all posts
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Not so good.
Another day...still feeling so blah. Actually a little more than blah, just sort of sad and lonely overall. I feel like I've been on the verge of tears for the past 3 days. Why? I do not know. I hate feeling like this. Maybe its just a phase, maybe its homesickness that I didn't realize I had. Maybe I've just got too much time on my hands to think about my life, and I've just started going crazy. Ugh, I'm getting emotional just sitting here typing this, and I'm not sure how to make it better.
Everytime I've felt a little depressed or lonely since I've been here, its been shortlived. I'll have dinner with someone, hang out with Andrew or just come to the office and talk with my coworkers, and I feel better. I've never been on the verge of tears at work, and obviously don't want to be. This would be easier if I could pinpoint what is wrong. I have lots of people who love me. I love lots of people I can call anytime I need to. I have even made a few friends here who I think would be there for me whenever I needed them. I've got Andrew, who is wonderful and who I love spending time with. I get it--I'm lucky. But that doesn't make it any easier when I'm going through days like the last few. Sigh.
I'm so looking forward to being in Raleigh tomorrow, I can't even describe it. I want to see my best friends, hang out with my parents, and pretend like I don't lead a totally separate adult life in another state for a few days. And then first thing Monday morning I'm jetting off again for work. At least I only have one more night by myself--I like keeping busy and having lots of people to have dinner with, even if it is my coworkers on a business trip! And by the time I get back from that, my friend Sarah is having a big cookout and Andrew will be back in town from his vacay. I don't like the fact I won't see him for almost 2 weeks, but he deserves a nice vacation, and I know it'll be a good miss for us:) I'll just be really happy to see him when we both get back into town.
Ugh, ok. Enough with the depressing post for now. Thanks for continuing to read, my dear friends, even when my blog is boring and sad and doesn't really say much at all. I appreciate you all so much and am lucky to have you interested in my life. Hopefully this mood will improve later!
Everytime I've felt a little depressed or lonely since I've been here, its been shortlived. I'll have dinner with someone, hang out with Andrew or just come to the office and talk with my coworkers, and I feel better. I've never been on the verge of tears at work, and obviously don't want to be. This would be easier if I could pinpoint what is wrong. I have lots of people who love me. I love lots of people I can call anytime I need to. I have even made a few friends here who I think would be there for me whenever I needed them. I've got Andrew, who is wonderful and who I love spending time with. I get it--I'm lucky. But that doesn't make it any easier when I'm going through days like the last few. Sigh.
I'm so looking forward to being in Raleigh tomorrow, I can't even describe it. I want to see my best friends, hang out with my parents, and pretend like I don't lead a totally separate adult life in another state for a few days. And then first thing Monday morning I'm jetting off again for work. At least I only have one more night by myself--I like keeping busy and having lots of people to have dinner with, even if it is my coworkers on a business trip! And by the time I get back from that, my friend Sarah is having a big cookout and Andrew will be back in town from his vacay. I don't like the fact I won't see him for almost 2 weeks, but he deserves a nice vacation, and I know it'll be a good miss for us:) I'll just be really happy to see him when we both get back into town.
Ugh, ok. Enough with the depressing post for now. Thanks for continuing to read, my dear friends, even when my blog is boring and sad and doesn't really say much at all. I appreciate you all so much and am lucky to have you interested in my life. Hopefully this mood will improve later!
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Back to reality
Sigh. Back in the office already...I can't believe my beautiful holiday weekend that I had so been looking forward to is already over! I had a really wonderful time and wish I was still in the beach condo right now!
We got down to the beach late Friday night after lots of horrible traffic out of Atlanta. Driving trough Savannah and over the bridge to the island was heaven. I felt immediately happy and relaxed and great. Saturday was rainy all day long--pouring most of the time. I wish it had been sunny and nice, but I honestly kind of enjoy the rain at the beach. Its relaxing, and Andrew and I got to spend lots of time together just playing cards and eating seafood and driving around the island going to tacky beach shops. There were also lots of delicious frozen beverages to be had as well:) Sunday was luckily less rainy, but still very overcast. We walked on the beach and laid out by the pool for a long time, and of course, I got sunburned. Apparently we were getting a lot more sun than we realized--we were both pretty red by the end of the day. I think I got dehydrated too...I didn't feel so hot by the end of the night and we ended up just sitting on the couch, eating pizza and watching movies until bedtime. Monday morning we woke up to absolutely perfect weather--the day we were leaving, of course. We packed up, took one last walk on the beach and drove to Savannah. We had a really great lunch at a restaurant overlooking the Savannah river, which was beautiful. The drive back to Atlanta was nice and quiet, but I was so sad to see the weekend end so quickly. I loved getting to spend so much time with Andrew, and I hope he had a good weekend with me too. I think it was a good test for us--I didn't get tired of him at all, which is saying a lot for me. Being with him 24/7 was actually really nice and I liked getting to know him a little better and being away from everyone with him. I hope he felt the same way:)
Once he dropped me off last night, I got my usual little wave of depression that I get when I'm by myself again after having been with people for a long period of time. I still hate that I feel this way! I wish I could just be happy after having such a great weekend, but instead I just felt a little bit empty. I'm starting to wonder if I really don't like living alone as much as I thought I did? I do cherish my alone time sometimes, but after having someone to constantly be around and talk to all weekend, I just feel lonely when I'm by myself again. I have plenty of friends and family I can call, but sometimes its just not the same. I love that I can call Kristin anytime I need to, and she is always there for me and genuinely understands what I'm feeling. Maybe I've just got a little more homesickness going on...I don't know. Thankfully, this is only a 3 day work week for me, and I get to go home this weekend! I can't wait to see my parents, my cat and my friends.
Thanks for reading all about my craziness. Its kind of helpful to put this stuff out there sometimes:) Overall, I'm a happy girl this week. First grown up boy-girl vacay is checked off the list! And I get to be in North Carolina, the best place in the whole world, in 3 days. In the mean time, there's plenty at work to keep me busy. Although, I'll definitely be making time to post my feelings on last night's intense episode of Jon and Kate Plus 8, since I'm an official blog stalker for them now! Hope you all had a wonderful 3 days!
We got down to the beach late Friday night after lots of horrible traffic out of Atlanta. Driving trough Savannah and over the bridge to the island was heaven. I felt immediately happy and relaxed and great. Saturday was rainy all day long--pouring most of the time. I wish it had been sunny and nice, but I honestly kind of enjoy the rain at the beach. Its relaxing, and Andrew and I got to spend lots of time together just playing cards and eating seafood and driving around the island going to tacky beach shops. There were also lots of delicious frozen beverages to be had as well:) Sunday was luckily less rainy, but still very overcast. We walked on the beach and laid out by the pool for a long time, and of course, I got sunburned. Apparently we were getting a lot more sun than we realized--we were both pretty red by the end of the day. I think I got dehydrated too...I didn't feel so hot by the end of the night and we ended up just sitting on the couch, eating pizza and watching movies until bedtime. Monday morning we woke up to absolutely perfect weather--the day we were leaving, of course. We packed up, took one last walk on the beach and drove to Savannah. We had a really great lunch at a restaurant overlooking the Savannah river, which was beautiful. The drive back to Atlanta was nice and quiet, but I was so sad to see the weekend end so quickly. I loved getting to spend so much time with Andrew, and I hope he had a good weekend with me too. I think it was a good test for us--I didn't get tired of him at all, which is saying a lot for me. Being with him 24/7 was actually really nice and I liked getting to know him a little better and being away from everyone with him. I hope he felt the same way:)
Once he dropped me off last night, I got my usual little wave of depression that I get when I'm by myself again after having been with people for a long period of time. I still hate that I feel this way! I wish I could just be happy after having such a great weekend, but instead I just felt a little bit empty. I'm starting to wonder if I really don't like living alone as much as I thought I did? I do cherish my alone time sometimes, but after having someone to constantly be around and talk to all weekend, I just feel lonely when I'm by myself again. I have plenty of friends and family I can call, but sometimes its just not the same. I love that I can call Kristin anytime I need to, and she is always there for me and genuinely understands what I'm feeling. Maybe I've just got a little more homesickness going on...I don't know. Thankfully, this is only a 3 day work week for me, and I get to go home this weekend! I can't wait to see my parents, my cat and my friends.
Thanks for reading all about my craziness. Its kind of helpful to put this stuff out there sometimes:) Overall, I'm a happy girl this week. First grown up boy-girl vacay is checked off the list! And I get to be in North Carolina, the best place in the whole world, in 3 days. In the mean time, there's plenty at work to keep me busy. Although, I'll definitely be making time to post my feelings on last night's intense episode of Jon and Kate Plus 8, since I'm an official blog stalker for them now! Hope you all had a wonderful 3 days!
Monday, April 27, 2009
More than a little blah.
I had a couple of really great talks with some good friends last night, but both had an overall depressing tone. We talked about loneliness a lot, and how tough it is to make and keep friends as a working adult. It is definitely not easy, and for me, has been the most daunting part of becoming a "real person". There is no automatic camaraderie like in high school or college. Sometimes I wish so much that I had a roommate in Atlanta.
As much as I enjoy having my own personal space and living alone, lately I've been craving more personal interaction. The strange part about that: I think I've been feeling more lonely because I have been having more personal interaction lately. So much more than when I first moved down to Georgia. I am so lucky to have made a few friends and to have Andrew. He and I spend most weekends together, which is wonderful. I love being around him and just having someone to talk to and eat with and just sit around doing nothing with for long periods of time on my Saturdays and Sundays. But then something strange happens. As soon as we have lunch on Sunday and go our separate ways, I immediately feel overwhelming lonliness. I am a person who craves alone time, so you would think I'd be ready for some separation after so much togetherness. But not so. When I walk back into my quiet apartment, I feel sad. I don't like this about myself, but I'm not sure how to change it. Last night even after a perfect weekend, a massage appointment and a couple long phone conversations, I felt completely alone. I guess this is just another step in the process of really learning myself in my new (more solitary) life in Atlanta. I knew it shouldn't have been as easy as it was for the first few months I was here. I was happy and content with my new independence, and thought it was really wonderful that I could adjust so well to being on my own. I suppose I'm just going through a little bit of a growing pain. The goal for this week is to be happy for all the wonderful things and people in my life. I have so many friends who love me, I have new friends here, I am dating someone fantastic and there is always someone to talk to if I feel the need to pick up the phone and escape for a while. I am a lucky, lucky girl.
The thing I am MOST looking forward to this week: going to Raleigh on Thursday night!! I think part of my problem right now is overwhelming homesickness. I have not been in North Carolina since the end of February. A little over 2 months...I have never been away that long. I didn't even realize I missed it so much, but I do. While I know I'll miss my weekend routine with Andrew, I am beyond thrilled to go home.
A few good things (to perk me up, Lord knows I need it):
1. RALEIGH!
2. A. is such a sweetheart. I am lucky to have someone who can spend copious amounts of time with me and not want to throw me off a bridge.
3. Obscenely hot weather. Pretty soon I'll be complaining about it, but as for now I welcome it with open arms. Goodbye cold!
4. New swim suit. I shouldn't be spending money on clothes, but I bought it at Old Navy so I don't feel so badly about it:)
5. Starting my healthier Summer eating habits today! Lots of fruits and turkey sandwichs. Yum.
6. My wonderful friends who I can call anytime and have a totally depressing conversation with, and then we can laugh hysterically about our sad lives.
7. Getting real mail. Nothing makes me happier than having an actual card or letter in my mailbox, so I'm going to make an effort to send more out.
8. Wearing open toe shoes. My toes are free for the first time at work!
As much as I enjoy having my own personal space and living alone, lately I've been craving more personal interaction. The strange part about that: I think I've been feeling more lonely because I have been having more personal interaction lately. So much more than when I first moved down to Georgia. I am so lucky to have made a few friends and to have Andrew. He and I spend most weekends together, which is wonderful. I love being around him and just having someone to talk to and eat with and just sit around doing nothing with for long periods of time on my Saturdays and Sundays. But then something strange happens. As soon as we have lunch on Sunday and go our separate ways, I immediately feel overwhelming lonliness. I am a person who craves alone time, so you would think I'd be ready for some separation after so much togetherness. But not so. When I walk back into my quiet apartment, I feel sad. I don't like this about myself, but I'm not sure how to change it. Last night even after a perfect weekend, a massage appointment and a couple long phone conversations, I felt completely alone. I guess this is just another step in the process of really learning myself in my new (more solitary) life in Atlanta. I knew it shouldn't have been as easy as it was for the first few months I was here. I was happy and content with my new independence, and thought it was really wonderful that I could adjust so well to being on my own. I suppose I'm just going through a little bit of a growing pain. The goal for this week is to be happy for all the wonderful things and people in my life. I have so many friends who love me, I have new friends here, I am dating someone fantastic and there is always someone to talk to if I feel the need to pick up the phone and escape for a while. I am a lucky, lucky girl.
The thing I am MOST looking forward to this week: going to Raleigh on Thursday night!! I think part of my problem right now is overwhelming homesickness. I have not been in North Carolina since the end of February. A little over 2 months...I have never been away that long. I didn't even realize I missed it so much, but I do. While I know I'll miss my weekend routine with Andrew, I am beyond thrilled to go home.
A few good things (to perk me up, Lord knows I need it):
1. RALEIGH!
2. A. is such a sweetheart. I am lucky to have someone who can spend copious amounts of time with me and not want to throw me off a bridge.
3. Obscenely hot weather. Pretty soon I'll be complaining about it, but as for now I welcome it with open arms. Goodbye cold!
4. New swim suit. I shouldn't be spending money on clothes, but I bought it at Old Navy so I don't feel so badly about it:)
5. Starting my healthier Summer eating habits today! Lots of fruits and turkey sandwichs. Yum.
6. My wonderful friends who I can call anytime and have a totally depressing conversation with, and then we can laugh hysterically about our sad lives.
7. Getting real mail. Nothing makes me happier than having an actual card or letter in my mailbox, so I'm going to make an effort to send more out.
8. Wearing open toe shoes. My toes are free for the first time at work!
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