More than a little blah.

I had a couple of really great talks with some good friends last night, but both had an overall depressing tone. We talked about loneliness a lot, and how tough it is to make and keep friends as a working adult. It is definitely not easy, and for me, has been the most daunting part of becoming a "real person". There is no automatic camaraderie like in high school or college. Sometimes I wish so much that I had a roommate in Atlanta.

As much as I enjoy having my own personal space and living alone, lately I've been craving more personal interaction. The strange part about that: I think I've been feeling more lonely because I have been having more personal interaction lately. So much more than when I first moved down to Georgia. I am so lucky to have made a few friends and to have Andrew. He and I spend most weekends together, which is wonderful. I love being around him and just having someone to talk to and eat with and just sit around doing nothing with for long periods of time on my Saturdays and Sundays. But then something strange happens. As soon as we have lunch on Sunday and go our separate ways, I immediately feel overwhelming lonliness. I am a person who craves alone time, so you would think I'd be ready for some separation after so much togetherness. But not so. When I walk back into my quiet apartment, I feel sad. I don't like this about myself, but I'm not sure how to change it. Last night even after a perfect weekend, a massage appointment and a couple long phone conversations, I felt completely alone. I guess this is just another step in the process of really learning myself in my new (more solitary) life in Atlanta. I knew it shouldn't have been as easy as it was for the first few months I was here. I was happy and content with my new independence, and thought it was really wonderful that I could adjust so well to being on my own. I suppose I'm just going through a little bit of a growing pain. The goal for this week is to be happy for all the wonderful things and people in my life. I have so many friends who love me, I have new friends here, I am dating someone fantastic and there is always someone to talk to if I feel the need to pick up the phone and escape for a while. I am a lucky, lucky girl.

The thing I am MOST looking forward to this week: going to Raleigh on Thursday night!! I think part of my problem right now is overwhelming homesickness. I have not been in North Carolina since the end of February. A little over 2 months...I have never been away that long. I didn't even realize I missed it so much, but I do. While I know I'll miss my weekend routine with Andrew, I am beyond thrilled to go home.

A few good things (to perk me up, Lord knows I need it):
1. RALEIGH!
2. A. is such a sweetheart. I am lucky to have someone who can spend copious amounts of time with me and not want to throw me off a bridge.
3. Obscenely hot weather. Pretty soon I'll be complaining about it, but as for now I welcome it with open arms. Goodbye cold!
4. New swim suit. I shouldn't be spending money on clothes, but I bought it at Old Navy so I don't feel so badly about it:)
5. Starting my healthier Summer eating habits today! Lots of fruits and turkey sandwichs. Yum.
6. My wonderful friends who I can call anytime and have a totally depressing conversation with, and then we can laugh hysterically about our sad lives.
7. Getting real mail. Nothing makes me happier than having an actual card or letter in my mailbox, so I'm going to make an effort to send more out.
8. Wearing open toe shoes. My toes are free for the first time at work!